ape aku nk buat ni...

time ni ak xtaw nk pikir ape lg...kesian lak ngan dye..ak rase cam jahat lak wat dye camni...tp ak dah gtaw dye yg ak just boley kawan jer ngan dye...but he still not give up on me...mlm ni pn dye kol lg...dye ckp rindu giler ngan aku...padahal ak sengaja xreply msj dye n not even call him once...sbb ak nk dye give up n cari owank lain...ak xtaw nk terime dye ke x...ramai my buddies ckp ignore jer...'dye penat t dye xkolla...skunk law dye kol ko xyah angkat'...'law dye msj xyah bls'tp tb2 aku rase cam bende ni zalim lak...nape ek ape yg kite xnak kite akan dpt but bkn ape yg kt nak...aku rase dye baik jgk...drpd yg the other one...yg sowank lg 2 sk mendesak lak...kan best kalaw owank yg ak suke akan suke aku...so boleyla aku ckp ngan dyeowank yg ak not available...hehehe...kalaula hati aku ni boley bg aku keputusankan senang...

apakah ia...

kau datang tanpa wajah
kau datang tanpa muka
kau datang tanpa suara
kau datang tanpa paksa
kau datang tanpa sengaja
kau datang tanpa segala....................
kau pergi bagai diduga
kau pergi bagai badai melanda
kau pergi bagai awan berarak............

kau hadir hanyalah sebagai derita
kau hadir hanyalah sebagai penentu bicara.......


mengapa perlu kau berlari dalam jalan hidupku...
andai kau begitu susah untuk aku jinakkan...
hadirmu hanyalah sebagai derita hidupku
nyah kau dari mindaku dan jasadku...
aku sumpah kau dari hadir lagi bersama jasadku........

c.i.n.t.a

ad x sape2 ley bg makna cinta yg sebenar??????? i just wanna noe.....happy?? sad???curious???angry??? mad??? crazy???blind??? WHAT ELSE??????

giler betol.....

dah berkurun rasenyer ak xconteng kat page ni.....boley lak ak luper password...damn i feel like an old lady...kebelakangan ni ak byk berfikir...bout my study,life, love, friends n me...totally me....ak rase cam ak hanyut dalam dunia yg bukan milik aku...merayau mencari makna dan ak try sedaya upaya tok paham what should i do and dont...aku konpius giler...aku rase cam mata ak diikat ngan kain itam n thn somebody put me in a differ world but ak kena find my way out from that world....with closed eyes...sesak nafas...that what i feel now....hopeless...uselesss...i think that is me.....i need 2 wake up....

malasnye ak nk stady....

ak mls gile nk stady...xtaw da bape kali ak ckp...i hate this feeling...exam lg sehari...najis tol...ak terkapai2 xde arah tuju...terbuai mengikut arus hatiiii...wut happen 2 me???ak cam xtaw ape yg ak blaja n ape yg ptt ak wat...ak cam leka ngan bnd2 remeh yg merosakkn minda dan memesongkan jiwa ak....wut the hell im talking about...wtf....byk perkara mengacau bilaukan perasaan dan kewarasan ak skunk ni....wtf lg....

ak xpasti...

ni lg st masalah ak...ak xskla bl ad owank ckp sk kat ak...st tekanan bg ak...tmbh2 ak da berbuih mulut ckp ak xsk dye...ak xley trime dye...najisla...dye ttp msj ak n ckp dye akn lebey berusaha....ak xsk.....ak xsklaaaa...damn...xreti bahasa tolla...tp law nk kwn 2 ak gembirala...bertambah kwn ak...susah betol idup ni...dhla 2 semua owank asyk tanye ak asl xde bf...xmati pn....ak epi jer...emmmmm....tension ak...berbalik pd mamat ni dye dhla sk msj...everythng nk tnye...i hate that,,,law ak nk cr bf pn ak nk yg can let me do my own stuff...n xganggu idup ak ngan msj2 "caringla"kononnyer...daaaa....i hate that sort of thing...menyusahkan...camla ak xde benda lain nk wat selain bls msj ko jer...but kate member ak sbb ak xpenah bercinta so i can say like that...hopefully ak xjd cam2 bl ak dah kapel t...bllaaaaa 2...hahahah

susah nk bernafas...

dah lame ak xtls blog ni.....eeemmm arini rase nk tls lak...ak xtaw r nape kblkgn ni ak rase sesak nafas bl ngan dye...ak cam xreti nk bergaul ngan dye...susah ek...cam owank asing jer...silence is d best way...ak amek jln 2...but....xkan selamenye...ak pn xtaw nape ngan dye...ade ak wat dye terase ke??? ntahla...4 me law ad ape2 xpuas ati better face me n just told me ape yg xkena or berkenan d ati...

esok exam...

aih....sok exam dh start...n im still playing around...im so lazy to study...im just staring at the books and papers...im acting like a fool... such as no presentation n ect...God please help me...im jus losing my mind...lose hope...n im just damn confius...confius bout my choice,decision and my life.........................

Do size does matter????

ak xpahamlah manusia skunk...btol ke hanya owank yg kurus dikatakan lawa...skinny girl????mayb yes and mayb not.... that makes me piss....ak ad terbaca st blog member ak...dye sgt sedey sbb dye rase disisihkan sbb gemuk..i know her...she is not fat...she just tall..mayb becoz of that she think she fat....go to hell with others...people will never satisfied with us...just be proud of ourselves n be happy...we are what we think....beuty is sooooooo subjective...if we think we are pretty thn we are pretty...so if people said something to you bout your figure just tell them to talk to your butt...!!!!!! just tell them to fuck off n die... me myself also a chubby girl but im still happy with myself..of coz im also want to lose weight but not for others but just for my satisfaction... but to those chubby girls out there dont be too sad with your figure....we can still make a lot of friends and must always be confident with ourselves....the more you think bout losing your weight the more you gain your weight.....n the most important thing is jgn mendiskriminasikan owank2 yang berisi or fat sbb mereka pn human being n ad perasaan gak...cam owank2 kurus...hahahahah...manusia mg peliiiikkkkkk....xkanlh hanya owank yg kurus je layak berkawan....so to my friend dont be sad.....you are a nice girl....so chiilllll...

titipan aku....

dia datang tanpa diundang.....
dia pergi tanpa direla.....
ada apa dengan dia......
ada apa pada dia........
celakakah dia....
bahagiakah dia...
deritakah dia...............
sempurnakah dia.......
begitukah dia........
atau sekadar satu persinggahan baru bagi mereka2......
atau adakah itu suatu persembahan kehidupan.......

lunturnya warna jiwa...

bila hati dan perasaan berkata sedih.......
minda dan akal menyanyi riang.....
nafsu dan jiwa meronta ganas....
naluri bingung kilauan kalbu......

bila aku berkata sepi................

bl larut mlm...

ak benci ngan broadband bodoh ni...tb2 disconnect wat penat je ak tls panjang2....bodoooohh...dhla ak bingung n celaru skunk ni...ak xtaw nk tanye sape...tp of coz ak dh tanye kak long ak...tp dye ckp law soal ati dye xley tng...ak kena settle down sndiri...damn i hate when she said that... but she got the point...ak celaru n tb2 susah ati... tp ak bkn xkesian ngan dye...tp a relationship can't base on that...dye selalu mengalah n xkesah bila ak sengaja menyakitkan ati dye...2 yg wat ak kagum ngan dye...law dye skt ati pn t dye mengalah gak ngan ak...than dye mnta maap...pdhl ak saje je...bknnye ak mrh pn...tp dye ckp dye bkn jenis owank yg cpt pts ase....so dye xkan pts ase ngan sbb2 remeh cam2...2 yg wat ak tkt...ak bkn xtersentuh...kdg2 2 adlh...i hate 2 admit it...tp bkn thp melting lglah...i don't want to give my heart 2 a stranger...bg ak lelaki ni semua same je.... sblm dpt mulut nk mns je...but thn ....everything is bullshit!!!!!!! just wanna be careful...i don't want to be hurt...this feeling killing me softly....

ujian atau dugaan...

kegagalan mengerikan aku untuk terus bernafas...
namun aku harus berani berdiri lagi,....
berkali2 ia menemuiku dan menjamah laluan hidup yang masih bersisa ini....
berulang2 kali juga aku harus bermain dengan bola-bola pilihanNya,......
mengapa ia hadir sering menjadi persoalan yang menerkam di benakku,....
aku terjebak lagi dengan mainan2 yang telah tersedia buatku......
sampai bila dan bagaimana harus aku gagahi,....
mengikut melodi yang ditangisi atau yang dilakari........

mentari baru...

arini ak x g class cik shima sbb perut ak meragam...mcm2 tol...ak pn xtaw ak mkn pe...tp memulas cam perut ak kena grill...pedih tol...hehehe...enough bout d stomach ache...semalam ak g joging ngan bdk2 ni...best gak r... at least kuar peluhla gak...da lame gile ak x joging...kiranya smlm 2 frst time sejak ak dtng pnck alm ni...agak teruk r...lemak pn dh mkn dternak ngan riaknye....satu kenyataan yg pedih tok diterima tp sesuatu yg terang lg jelas...mane xnye kat cni mknn utama yg dijual ialah nasi......ak dhla jenis yg xley mkn ns sgt....t lgla ak jd cam beeeeloooooon....sup2 pn haram nk jmpa kat cni...agak sengal r...law setaket nk mkn benda2 goreng baik ak mkn ns tros...same je calorinye...teeennnsiiiioooooonnnnnn.....

manusia mengapa begitu???

ak pn xtaw nape...tp ak perasan manusia sentiasa xpuas ati ngan pe yg kita miliki...ak ckp aklah...cam pepatah beri betis nk peha...ak rase 2 da jd cam tabiat manusia kot...lupe nk bersyukur...nk lebih je...lupe ad lg orang yg lebih memerlukan...lg satu kt terlalu demanding...ak pn cam2 gak...ntahla...pertanyaan 2 sering kali ak tanye kat diri sendiri asal nk lebey...nape still xpuas ati...ntahla...penyakit jiwa kot...mayb.....

a new week....

minggu ni minggu pertama selepas cuti mengejut...cuti selsema babi...byk gile keje nk kena submit..keje dr alia lak kena submit ari selasa ...gembira tol ak ...dhla cuti 2 ak taw last minit ...ak otw nk g tmpt k.long ak...dah nk smpi umah nurul pn...tiba2 umi kol gtaw cuti...n the best part is i left my laptop,broadband kat bilik...gile tol...xkan ak nk patah balik...so ak pasrah jelah...bj pn ak xbwk...mklmlah mula2 2 ak just nk g tmpt k.long ak je...xsangka lak cuti...but im still happy sbb ak ley blk umah...rindu gile ngan my mummy...dhla skunk dye jarang kol ak n along ak...penat kot... berbalik sal keje2 yg tertangguh 2,gelabah ayam gak ak... terutama keje dr alia....dhla ak blk cni ari ahad pg...smpi mlm lak 2... smpi2 je ak pening yg teramat sgt..ak muntah2...so ak mandi,mkn ubat n tros tido.... as a conclusion ari isnin 2 gakla ak settlekan keje dr alia... tp nsb baik gakla sblm ni ak dh cr mklumat cuma tinggal edit2 je lg...dpt anta on time gakla...law x naye gak....hehehe...tp aku rasa cuti seminggu 2 cam kejap je...aaaaihh

puncak alam...

mggu ni dh masuk 3mggu ak kat puncak alm...teeeeeeensiiiiiiioooonnyer ak...dhla nk g class jauh...tgga keramat 2 lak bapak tggi....celaka tol.....dhla 2 ak da xley balik cheras lg sbb jauh...n ak xtaw cane nk kuar dr kubu ni....nk kena naik bas g induklah..ntah pe2 ntah...kat alamanda dulu senang jer...ak rindu btol ngan alamanda....walaupn dulu time kat alamanda xpenah rase bersyukur pn...manusia beselahkan...ak ckp aklah...but now..sblm smpai class berpeluh2 kena hadapi tangga keramat 2 dulu...ala2 tngga batu caves r...dalam 210 anak tangga....syiot jer...ari2 kena daki...nk tggu bas owank bapak ramai...ngan berebutnye lg...so better ak naik tgga jer...tp xkurus2 gak...mkn lg byk ad r....serabut gak kepala ak....

macam-macam ada....

ak xtawla asal mata ak xnak tido lg...padahal jam dah menunjukkan pkl 3.56 pg...tp ap yg pntng ak xley nk lelapkn mata...mektok da lame d ulit mimpi...td ak ad tgk satu muvi yg aku rasakan agak menarik...angus,thongs and perfect snoggings...cite ni dh agak lame tp ak br tergerak nk tgk...poor me...ape yg bes sal cite ni adalah minah ni cb tackle laki ensem kat skol dye n yg plng hebatnye that guy fallen 4 her 2...yg wat ak tertanye2 adlh adkh d alam realiti pn bdk laki akn choose minah bese cam heroin dlm cite ni berbanding makwe dye yg lawa n popular 2...beselah cite...semua nk wat penonton d awangan jer...berangan bnd yg xkan berlaku...n ayat yg ak xley blah bl pompuan 2 tanye u think im perfect n mamat 2 jwb i think u r mad but perfect 4 me...bg ak 2 sweet...laki 2 sk dye sbb diri dye n prangai dye yg sebenar...tp kat alam nyata ni rata2 laki law tanye mmg akn jwb sk yg baik n xplastik but at the end akn pilih yg lawa gak walaupn plastik...hahaha..boys are stupid...just throw rocks at them....

pening lalat...

cuti sem da start...ak pn da ad kat umah...da lame ak xtls something kat cni...ak pn xtaw nape...malas je nk tulis...byk gile bnda sial kat kepala otak ak skunk...law boleh ak just nk get rid all of those thing.....tp dh name lg manusia mestila sentiasa ad masalah....law x baik xyah hidup...just kuatkan semangat dan teruskan ape yg harus diteruskan....as simple as that...yeke????ak pn xpasti...ak pn xtaw ape yg ak lalutkan kali ni...ak ad byk bnda yg menyerabutkan atmosphere kepala otak ak skunk tp ntahla...ak xtaw nk start dr mane....dr z or dr a...ntahla...tp yang penting ak kene hadapi perasaan ni gak...gile...byk bnda berlaku d sekitar ak br2 ni...n yg plng memeranjatkan ak adalah slh sowank member ak time kat pilah dulu meninggal dunia akibat cancer otak...memang xsangka gile...ak taw ajal maut d tgn Allah tp ak mmg xsngka yg selama ni member ak 2 sakit....ktowank mmg xtaw langsung dia sakit...x ckp ngan 2 member ak time kat arau dulu pn meninggal kemalangan...after 100 days dye pergi sowank lg member ak pergi...kemalangan gak... n sblm 2 member baik bestfren ak xcdnt n meninggal kat tmpt kejadian....bl pkr2 mmg agk mengerikan tp semua orang pn akan merasai saat kematian 2 sekali seumur hidup...wajib bg yg bergelar makhluk-NYA......ak terpikir dh ckp ke amal yg ak buat or dh sedia ke ak ntok mengadap Dia yang satu???????????????

met my old buddies...

lega gile exam da abes...tp yg horrornye nk tggu resultnye lak...cam nk melompat kuar jntng ak...tp yg buatkn ak hepi gile babi arini sbb dpt jmp ngan besfren ak time kat arau dl...msg2 da lame xjmpe so byk gile bnd nk cite...smpi mase pn ak rase berlalu ngan terlampau pantas...rase cam kejap jerk dpt jmp...pdhl dr pg bwk ke mlm...2 pn ad lg bnd yg xabes nk cite... arini ktowank abeskan mase amek gamba, lepak kat sushi king,mc d and shoping...abeskan duit pama....dr ts ke pavilion n then ke sg wang...ak windu gile ngan dyeowank,at last trubat gakla arini...tringt lak zaman blaja kat arau dl...law da bosan tahap gaban 2 plng koman pn ktowank lepak kat kangar...law x ujung mggu jerk kuar g alor star...release tension...kononnyela...but now...ak kat pj, fzah kat arau n ester kat kuantan...msg2 ad arah tuju msg2...jrg2 sekali br dpt jmp...but we still bff... sekali sekala dpt jmp cam arini perasaan 2 hepi giler cam nk freeze jerk mase biar benti...hope ak ade pluang lg nk spend time with both of them next time....

my biggest crush....

somtimes ak still ingt lg kat dye...bg ak dye adlh ''mr lee shin'' ak...cam prince with white horse aklah...a little bit freak, smart, pendiam ,but he is a good listener... dye mmg type yg ak sk...walaupn dye bknlah chinese look...but i really2 likes him...ak kenal dye hmpr 3thn...but now ak lost contact ngan dye...so sad...n i still hope that one day ak blh b'hbng balik ngan dye as a friend...he always there for me when i need him...dye selalu bg ak kt2 semgt tok ak hadapi setiap masalah n not just avoid the problem.. ''bknnye kena terjun gunung or g mati pn,u just face it''ayat 2 dye selalu ckp ngan ak bl ak rase masalah yg ak hadapi 2 trlmpau berat or ak da nk give up..hmpr setiap mlm ak ley msj ngan dye smpi ke pg..ak sndri pn xtaw camne ak ley msj ngan seseorang tnp jemu smpi ke pg...tp dye sgt paham ak..sometimes he just wrote for me a poem...n ak da rase gembira yg amat...silly me...tp bg ak beberape rangkap words 2 menggambarkan berjuta2 perasaan n merungkai bermcm2 persoalan...it just give me ease n peace...ak sk perasaan 2...ak harap dye ley capai impian dye tok menjadi seorang penulis.. n ak ykn dye boley...dye gak lelaki pertame yg bckn sajak kegemaran ak.. william shakespear poetry...terkedu ak time 2...gembira pn ad gak...but one day he just send me a msg n said move on with your life n hve no worries 4 that the world revovles around u...n he just a lost cause...time 2 ak mmg x terkate but now i just want to find my new 'wang zi.'..n of coz move on with my beautiful life...but i still hoping that dye happy where ever he is...

love or responsibility....

Baru-baru ni ak ad tgk st drama..1st time ak tgk cite ni ak agk sk gak r ngan jln cite dye...but wat a story...ending dye sgt piss me off...mayb ak agak emotional memandangkan 2 hanye cerita tp ak rase it 2 mean 4 her 2 b treat like that...cam dye don't deserve that man....she could choose someone better thn him if she want to...tp dye ttp pilih laki 2...n laki 2 plh pompuan lain yg dye rase dye ptt pilih...sdgkn pompuan 2 sacrifice evrythng for him...what a f***!!!!tp at the same time he can tell the girl that he really love her very much but he cannot marry her...bcoz of his past mistake...cam bodoh jerk sbb dye rela tbs kesalahan dye but dye hurting his beloved one feeling...i wonder adkah perasaan laki 2 serapuh or sesenang 2 blh berubah2...but 4 him 2 adlah 1 pengorbanan....i can't accept that....n pompuan 2 still waiting 4 him walaupn dye taw that man will never choose her...kinda stupid but bl da syng kat seseorg kt akn wat perkare yg kt sndiri xsngka kt akn wat...walaupn stpd thing...tp setelah dye tggu laki 2 selame b'thn2 n hmpr mengahwini that man but at d end she got dump!!!!! n that stpd 'hero' married another girl n live happily ever after...tp dye could't move on with her life...she becomes a scientist n isolated herself from the world n her family...poor her...walaupn dye ckp yg dye selesa hdp begitu....wat a liar...tp xkn nk gtaw st dunia yg dye still xley lpkn that man....walaupn that man da lpkn dye...n ak t'tanye2 adakah laki 2 penah really2 love her b4???? n adkah bgt sng bg that man lupekan org yg dye syg demi untk tunaikn tggjwb...n not affected his life a bit pn....hate that...bg my friends dye ckp mmg ptt pn laki 2 kawin ngan pompuan y dye prl b'tggjwb 2...sbb dye da sshkn pompuan 2...tp ak rs dye x perlu kawen ngan pompuan 2 tp dye still boley b'tggjwb...thats my opinion jerk...sbb ak rs dye pn perlu b'tggjwb pd perasaan pompuan yg byk b'korban untk dye n pompuan that he claims his lover....!!!!!!

frustated....

berlari aku pergi,
mengejar pelangi diri,
semakin jauh aku jejaki,
semakin jauh dirimu pergi,
bingung aku bingung meratapi ia pergi........
what the hell i'm thinking of right now.....

exam...exam...da nk mati ak rase...

first paper neuroscience....xckp ngan 2 paper medical condition gap sehari jerk...owh...i'm so stress...i feel like batting with d notes...dala 2 ak pn da xphm ape yg ak bc...pimples pn pe lg tmbh ngan riaknye....perubahan hormone...mayb...but skunk ni ak mmg stress...stresss!!!!!! nk exam jerk semua owank jd weirdo...tp yg plng ak bnci start stadi jerk ngantok...mate beratnye tuhan jerk yg taw...tp law wat bnda lain x ngantok lak...ak sndri pn xtaw bl ak nk brubah jd more n more rjn cam member2 ak.....tggl lg 3 ari jerk nk exam....tp cam byk lg ak xtaw....akak ak merangkap pakar motivasi ak berabes kred msj n kol ak 2 make sure ak stadi.....poor her...but love her so much....nota neuroscience nga tggu ak kat sblh...so gotta go....